Saddam, how do you feel about Cuphead's tutorial level?
I'll let you know as soon as I figure out how to get past the tall pillar.
Final Fantasy XVI've never liked the
Final Fantasy series. Their turn-based combat is dull and mindless, their stories are ludicrously dense and complicated seemingly for the sake of it, their characters are obnoxious, their protagonists are more often than not bland cardboard cut-outs while also being sullen, self-pitying emos, and most importantly of all, their general style and aesthetic always rubs me the wrong way. They're full of the worst kind of camp and melodrama, and feel heavily inspired by really bad, really cheesy anime. But FF XV looked to be very different from the rest of the series, and I had heard from numerous reviews, as well as from trusted weeb junker, that this game was almost a reinvention of the format, with a far more simple story and a refreshing emphasis on non-linear, open-world gameplay. So I thought I'd finally try one of these games for myself.
How is it? Well, pretty good, for the most part. You play as the gay prince from the land of homos driving around with his boy band in the royal pimpmobile, the Regalia. Actually, I really do love the Regalia. It's an awesome car, being endlessly customizable, somewhere between a Rolls Royce and a Cadillac in design, and exactly the kind of car I would expect a king from this kind of setting to drive. You can also upgrade it into a kind of monster truck for off-roading, and later on into the Batmobile, which can also fly. Granted, the mechanics and controls for flying are completely fucked up, but they get points for trying. And again, that upgrade pretty much turns it into the Batmobile, and that's awesome. There's no way the resemblance was unintentional.
I mentioned the setting earlier, which is great. It's very modern for the most part, with everyone having cars and cell phones, and telephone wires and gas stations dotting the landscape. The real-life basis looks to be the southwestern United States, with a desert-like terrain, characters with silly southern accents, and twangy country tunes playing whenever you're within civilization. At the same time, though, it's still clearly fantasy, and the demons that appear at night give the proceedings a splash of color, making for an interesting contrast. Also on the creative side of things, while the main character is exactly the kind of bland emo I strongly dislike and seems to be ubiquitous in the series, I do like his three companions, and the foursome mostly have a great dynamic and a genuine bond you can sense. They feel a lot more like real people than the typical party you'd see in this kind of RPG. And the villain is pretty charismatic and memorable too.
What else is there to say...the open world is kind of repetitive and has a lot of empty space, but I still liked it. There are a ton of sidequests, but almost all of them are fetch quests or simple assignments to kill a monster, which kind of sucks. I love the mechanics of the combat, especially the warp move, and in particular just how dynamic it all is - you're constantly moving, constantly rushing back and forth across the battlefield making passes at your target. Unfortunately, with too many enemies on the field, everything becomes a jumbled clusterfuck of flailing limbs and blurry pixels. It's not helped by the game's bizarre system of "random" enemy spawns, as depending on where you are, enemies can sometimes respawn not even thirty seconds after you've killed them. The endless Imperial dropoffs are the worst. There should definitely have been a cooldown of at least a few minutes in between Imperial waves, and this really should have come up during testing. The camera can be an even worse problem. God help you if you get into a fight under a canopy or anywhere near a large tree, because the camera will inevitably zoom in on those branches until you have memorized every fucking twig on them before it'll let you actually see how the battle is going.
But that's not the worst thing about this game. That dishonor goes to the last third of it. It's like a whole different game. The car is gone. The open world is gone. The camaraderie between the main characters is gone. The fairly restrained story (by FF standards, at least) about the crown prince collecting ancestral weapons and fighting off an invading empire is gone too, replaced with a new apocalyptic plot that feels entirely tangential to the old one. Characters that were introduced and teased meaningful roles in the upcoming story are never brought up again or awkwardly handwaved away. I guess they didn't have room for them, because this last third of the game has about an entire game's worth of story details crammed into it. The villain has a whole new role only vaguely related to his role in the first part of the game, the stakes introduced are very different to what's going on in the first part of the game...it's so strange. And the penultimate chapter absolutely blows chimp. Stripped of your usual weapons, stripped of your party, stripped of your warp move, you're traipsing through this confusing, ugly labyrinth, hitting switches, fighting enemies, backtracking endlessly, etc. It goes on and on and on for at least two hours. It's the worst.
And yes, I know that a number of the unexplained plot details and vanished characters are resolved in the game's DLC. Fuck that. That's not how DLC is supposed to work. You tell a full, complete story with the main game, and then DLC provides
supplemental details. Not critical parts of the main plot that the game is incomplete without;
extra stuff. A bonus. It reminds me eerily of JJ Abrams.