I figure, for secular purposes, I don't care who you marry. I mean, religion tells you one thing. I have my own beliefs on who you should marry and who you shouldn't marry, who you should schtupp, and who you shouldn't schtupp, and so-on. But it's not my business to tell other people who to marry or to schtupp. So as long as it's two consenting adults who aren't biologically related, well, for secular purposes, marry them and/or schtupp them if that's what trips your trigger. Just don't ask me to agree with it necessarily.
This is a very reasonable approach, and I'm surprised to find that I completely agree with you on this. As an atheist, a secularist and a strong supporter of freedom of religion, I don't really care what religious institutions do. They can ban gays from joining their religion entirely for all I care.
My only interest is in ensuring that, as far as the law is concerned, no two consenting adults are treated differently from any other. Deregulating marriage altogether and leaving it in the hands of religion is an acceptable way to accomplish that.
I can respect your beliefs regarding marriage, but what I respect even more is that you aren't trying to impose them on others. If only our government would take the same approach.
In a society that is not governed by religious law, I agree with you entirely. And frankly, I am not so sure I would want to live in a Halachic State (meaning one that is governed by Halacha, or Jewish Law). I mean, it would depend. If Halacha were used as an inspiration for law, that is one thing. I wouldn't mind that at all. But if it in fact WERE the law, that would not be a state I would want to live in.
Right now, there is a debate going on in Israel, that started before the last election. A "Nationality Law" was proposed that would define Israel as a Jewish State and would make Halacha "the inspiration for Israeli law". Furthermore, although all citizens would have their rights respected as individuals, their current status as separate national groups would dissolved. The State would be defined as a State of its Jewish citizens. Other citizens would have individual rights, but not group rights, as they do now.
Ordinarily, I would be all in favour of this. But at present, I admit, I question the timing of such a law, and motives of it. As much as I am not fond of the presence of Arabs in the State of Israel, the fact is they are there. Until they can be removed, preferably humanely, making a law of this sort seems very provocative. Then again, that may be the whole point, is to provoke them to leave. I'm not sure that is the way to go about it, though.
Even now, in matters of family law, the separate religions govern matters. Secular marriage does not in fact exist. You are either married in Jewish rites, Muslim rites, or Christian ones. In a country like Israel, I think that is appropriate. But certainly in coutries where secular marriage exists, it should be independent of religious influence.