The Flat Earth Society

Other Discussion Boards => Philosophy, Religion & Society => Topic started by: Thork on January 18, 2014, 01:03:09 PM

Title: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Thork on January 18, 2014, 01:03:09 PM
Well it looks like a virgin birth has occurred and Christ's second coming is upon us.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-europe-25787757

It is reported the other nuns at the convent were 'surprised' that their colleague gave birth. The nun also claims to be surprised to be pregnant. As you would be, being a Catholic nun and celibate and all.

Nice that lots of people have collected baby things for her. Hopefully God will be paying child support and not shirking his responsibilities for impregnating his staff.

Inb4 Spanner and a never ending stream of nuns in latex.  >:(
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Lord Dave on January 18, 2014, 01:08:06 PM
Unless your baby is really small or you think you're getting fat, I can't imagine how you can not notice you're pregnant.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Thork on January 18, 2014, 01:13:57 PM
I've never understood this either. No period for 9 months would be a bit of a clue. Kicking from the baby. Large firm stomach. Its not very plausible when women say this.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Lemon on January 18, 2014, 01:17:17 PM
...Not again. "I swear Joseph, I didn't cheat... there was an angel and everything!"
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Rama Set on January 18, 2014, 01:29:45 PM
I've never understood this either. No period for 9 months would be a bit of a clue. Kicking from the baby. Large firm stomach. Its not very plausible when women say this.
I'd believe it if she was obese. Your period can get all wonky then and you have plenty of fat to cover up the expanding belly. Not all babies kick a lot. She is probably lying though because she does not know who the father is.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Thork on January 18, 2014, 01:30:28 PM
I've never understood this either. No period for 9 months would be a bit of a clue. Kicking from the baby. Large firm stomach. Its not very plausible when women say this.
I'd believe it if she was obese. Your period can get all wonky then and you have plenty of fat to cover up the expanding belly. Not all babies kick a lot. She is probably lying though because she does not know who the father is.
Are you suggesting its not an immaculate conception?
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Blanko on January 18, 2014, 01:31:12 PM
I've never understood this either. No period for 9 months would be a bit of a clue. Kicking from the baby. Large firm stomach. Its not very plausible when women say this.
I'd believe it if she was obese. Your period can get all wonky then and you have plenty of fat to cover up the expanding belly. Not all babies kick a lot. She is probably lying though because she does not know who the father is.

Or does know, but doesn't want to say because she's supposed to be celibate?

Of course she's lying. I mean damn.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Thork on January 18, 2014, 01:34:14 PM
Of course she's lying.
So now you're saying not only does she go around fucking random guys, but she also tells lies? She's a pretty terrible nun.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Lord Dave on January 18, 2014, 01:35:26 PM
Of course she's lying.
So now you're saying not only does she go around fucking random guys, but she also tells lies? She's a pretty terrible nun.
Well, she is catholic.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Blanko on January 18, 2014, 01:37:59 PM
Of course she's lying.
So now you're saying not only does she go around fucking random guys, but she also tells lies? She's a pretty terrible nun.

You don't say.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Alchemist21 on January 18, 2014, 03:19:25 PM
Unless your baby is really small or you think you're getting fat, I can't imagine how you can not notice you're pregnant.

It is possible to not know you're pregnant.  They have a documentary series titled "I didn't Know I Was Pregnant". Although I agree with Blanko.  Either she slept around and lied about it, or she was raped and never told anyone.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Rama Set on January 18, 2014, 03:55:05 PM
Unless your baby is really small or you think you're getting fat, I can't imagine how you can not notice you're pregnant.

It is possible to not know you're pregnant.  They have a documentary series titled "I didn't Know I Was Pregnant". Although I agree with Blanko.  Either she slept around and lied about it, or she was raped and never told anyone.

Clearly not by a priest. She was sexually mature and female. Two strikes.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Ghost Spaghetti on January 18, 2014, 04:13:30 PM
I've never understood this either. No period for 9 months would be a bit of a clue. Kicking from the baby. Large firm stomach. Its not very plausible when women say this.
I'd believe it if she was obese. Your period can get all wonky then and you have plenty of fat to cover up the expanding belly. Not all babies kick a lot. She is probably lying though because she does not know who the father is.
Are you suggesting its not an immaculate conception?

No, immaculate conception doesn't refer to the virgin birth of Christ, but that Mary was conceived without original sin.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Thork on January 18, 2014, 04:16:45 PM
I've never understood this either. No period for 9 months would be a bit of a clue. Kicking from the baby. Large firm stomach. Its not very plausible when women say this.
I'd believe it if she was obese. Your period can get all wonky then and you have plenty of fat to cover up the expanding belly. Not all babies kick a lot. She is probably lying though because she does not know who the father is.
Are you suggesting its not an immaculate conception?

No, immaculate conception doesn't refer to the virgin birth of Christ, but that Mary was conceived without original sin.
No, you're gonna have to run that by me again.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Rama Set on January 18, 2014, 06:41:32 PM
Fact:

http://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Immaculate_Conception
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Shane on January 18, 2014, 06:43:38 PM
I think I read somewhere that a virgin birth may be possible, theoretically.

I also saw it on House.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Roundy on January 18, 2014, 07:52:34 PM
If she breaks her hymen in some nontraditional way and then some semen just accidentally slips in there, yes, it is possible.  This came up on Picket Fences once too.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: rooster on January 18, 2014, 08:02:57 PM
If she breaks her hymen in some nontraditional way and then some semen just accidentally slips in there, yes, it is possible.  This came up on Picket Fences once too.
Like a semen soaked tampon?
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Roundy on January 18, 2014, 08:08:23 PM
If she breaks her hymen in some nontraditional way and then some semen just accidentally slips in there, yes, it is possible.  This came up on Picket Fences once too.
Like a semen soaked tampon?

Plausible!
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Lord Dave on January 18, 2014, 10:01:08 PM
If she breaks her hymen in some nontraditional way and then some semen just accidentally slips in there, yes, it is possible.  This came up on Picket Fences once too.
Like a semen soaked tampon?

Plausible!
But isn't a woman's fertile time between periods and not during?
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Thork on January 18, 2014, 10:42:13 PM
If she breaks her hymen in some nontraditional way and then some semen just accidentally slips in there, yes, it is possible.  This came up on Picket Fences once too.
Like a semen soaked tampon?

Plausible!
But isn't a woman's fertile time between periods and not during?
Why don't you know the answer to that?
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: rooster on January 18, 2014, 10:43:50 PM
If she breaks her hymen in some nontraditional way and then some semen just accidentally slips in there, yes, it is possible.  This came up on Picket Fences once too.
Like a semen soaked tampon?

Plausible!
But isn't a woman's fertile time between periods and not during?
If you're using a semen soaked tampon to get pregnant without sex then you're likely not on your period.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Pete Svarrior on January 19, 2014, 12:37:47 AM
What the fuck is even going on in this thread?
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Lord Dave on January 19, 2014, 12:41:11 AM
If she breaks her hymen in some nontraditional way and then some semen just accidentally slips in there, yes, it is possible.  This came up on Picket Fences once too.
Like a semen soaked tampon?

Plausible!
But isn't a woman's fertile time between periods and not during?
Why don't you know the answer to that?
I do actually know the answer to that.  I was putting it in the form of a question to make the correction less abrasive.

If she breaks her hymen in some nontraditional way and then some semen just accidentally slips in there, yes, it is possible.  This came up on Picket Fences once too.
Like a semen soaked tampon?

Plausible!
But isn't a woman's fertile time between periods and not during?
If you're using a semen soaked tampon to get pregnant without sex then you're likely not on your period.
Point.  But I assumed roundy's comment was in the "she didn't know it was soaked in semen".
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Rushy on January 19, 2014, 12:53:15 AM
What the fuck is even going on in this thread?
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Blanko on January 19, 2014, 01:01:36 AM
I'll allow it.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: rooster on January 19, 2014, 01:06:25 AM
Who puts in an already opened tampon? Silly, LD.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Lord Dave on January 19, 2014, 01:33:03 AM
Who puts in an already opened tampon? Silly, LD.
You put your tampons in BEFORE opening the package?

Wow.  You're hardcore.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Alchemist21 on January 19, 2014, 01:33:57 AM
So someone packaged a semen-soaked tampon?
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Particle Person on January 19, 2014, 01:37:31 AM
Who puts in an already opened tampon? Silly, LD.
You put your tampons in BEFORE opening the package?

Wow.  You're hardcore.

Her point was that most women probably prefer to personally open the package of the tampon they're about to use.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Lord Dave on January 19, 2014, 01:44:44 AM
Who puts in an already opened tampon? Silly, LD.
You put your tampons in BEFORE opening the package?

Wow.  You're hardcore.

Her point was that most women probably prefer to personally open the package of the tampon they're about to use.
How does this invalidate what I said?
She could open it, hand it to her man friend, have him jack-off on it, then insert it.  Which I assume is Roundy's whole point.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Hoppy on January 19, 2014, 01:45:44 AM
If she breaks her hymen in some nontraditional way and then some semen just accidentally slips in there, yes, it is possible.  This came up on Picket Fences once too.
Like a semen soaked tampon?

Plausible!
But isn't a woman's fertile time between periods and not during?
Why don't you know the answer to that?
He doesn't care.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Particle Person on January 19, 2014, 01:49:20 AM
Who puts in an already opened tampon? Silly, LD.
You put your tampons in BEFORE opening the package?

Wow.  You're hardcore.

Her point was that most women probably prefer to personally open the package of the tampon they're about to use.
How does this invalidate what I said?
She could open it, hand it to her man friend, have him jack-off on it, then insert it.  Which I assume is Roundy's whole point.

I haven't actually read this entire conversation, so maybe you're right. That does sound like the sort of point that pervert Roundy would make.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Alchemist21 on January 19, 2014, 01:52:41 AM
The Catholic Explanation (followed by scientific explanation):

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Incubus
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: rooster on January 19, 2014, 01:55:08 AM
Point.  But I assumed roundy's comment was in the "she didn't know it was soaked in semen".

How does this invalidate what I said?
She could open it, hand it to her man friend, have him jack-off on it, then insert it.  Which I assume is Roundy's whole point.
These 2 statements seem contradictory to me. If she handed the tampon to her boyfriend in order to jack off onto it then she would know. There's no way "she didn't know it was soaked in semen."
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Alchemist21 on January 19, 2014, 01:56:33 AM
So someone packaged a semen-soaked tampon?

I've ordered things online that were supposed to be brand new and turned out to be used and repackaged. It's usually instantly noticeable, but there's still a fair chance of missing it, particularly if you omit scrutiny.

Meh, they do it with sex toys. ._.  I don't think the used tampon theory holds any water though since sperm cells can only survive external uncontrolled environments for so long.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Shane on January 19, 2014, 02:46:25 AM
Used Tampon Theory. I lol'd
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Roundy on January 19, 2014, 02:55:08 AM
Personally I think some of you are putting way too much thought into this.  It's just a semen-soaked tampon, people.  It's not the end of the world.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Alchemist21 on January 19, 2014, 03:01:43 AM
Personally I think some of you are putting way too much thought into this.  It's just a semen-soaked tampon, people.  It's not the end of the world.

There's no doubt in my mind this is related to the second coming.  I'm just not sure how to define "second coming."
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Ghost Spaghetti on January 19, 2014, 03:09:25 AM
I've never understood this either. No period for 9 months would be a bit of a clue. Kicking from the baby. Large firm stomach. Its not very plausible when women say this.
I'd believe it if she was obese. Your period can get all wonky then and you have plenty of fat to cover up the expanding belly. Not all babies kick a lot. She is probably lying though because she does not know who the father is.
Are you suggesting its not an immaculate conception?

No, immaculate conception doesn't refer to the virgin birth of Christ, but that Mary was conceived without original sin.
No, you're gonna have to run that by me again.

People often refer to the impregnation of Mary by God as the immaculate conception. The dogma of immaculate conception in catholicism teaches that Mary herself was born without original sin, thus making her conception immaculate.

The birth of the Christ is simply knownas the virgin birth
[/quote]
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Lord Dave on January 19, 2014, 03:55:17 AM
Point.  But I assumed roundy's comment was in the "she didn't know it was soaked in semen".

How does this invalidate what I said?
She could open it, hand it to her man friend, have him jack-off on it, then insert it.  Which I assume is Roundy's whole point.
These 2 statements seem contradictory to me. If she handed the tampon to her boyfriend in order to jack off onto it then she would know. There's no way "she didn't know it was soaked in semen."
I never said Roundy was correct.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Lord Dave on January 19, 2014, 03:56:16 AM
I don't think the used tampon theory holds any water though since sperm cells can only survive external uncontrolled environments for so long.

I read somewhere that they can survive outside of the body for up to 24 hours. That provides considerable leeway.

The Used Tampon Theory holds plenty of water; it's at least twice as robust and absorptive as any of the other leading brand theories in this thread.
Only if cold.
If at room temperature, a few hours, tops.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: rooster on January 19, 2014, 04:23:15 AM
Point.  But I assumed roundy's comment was in the "she didn't know it was soaked in semen".

How does this invalidate what I said?
She could open it, hand it to her man friend, have him jack-off on it, then insert it.  Which I assume is Roundy's whole point.
These 2 statements seem contradictory to me. If she handed the tampon to her boyfriend in order to jack off onto it then she would know. There's no way "she didn't know it was soaked in semen."
I never said Roundy was correct.
(http://i42.tinypic.com/2h3socw.jpg)

So, where did the nun get this tampon? I'm convinced that's how she did it.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: junker on January 19, 2014, 05:26:30 AM
What the fuck is even going on in this thread?
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Yaakov ben Avraham on January 20, 2014, 04:06:47 AM
The original BBC article never said anything about the nun admitting or denying having sex w/ the requisite male. She only said she didn't know she was pregnant.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: EnigmaZV on January 21, 2014, 12:20:30 AM
Biology's weird. It could be that an egg cell didn't divide properly, and somehow came pre-fertilized. If the baby is a genetic clone of the mother, then we know what happened. There are some lesbian lizards that use this method of reproduction.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Rushy on January 21, 2014, 12:29:20 AM
Biology's weird. It could be that an egg cell didn't divide properly, and somehow came pre-fertilized. If the baby is a genetic clone of the mother, then we know what happened. There are some lesbian lizards that use this method of reproduction.

No.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: EnigmaZV on January 21, 2014, 01:10:44 AM
Biology's weird. It could be that an egg cell didn't divide properly, and somehow came pre-fertilized. If the baby is a genetic clone of the mother, then we know what happened. There are some lesbian lizards that use this method of reproduction.

No.

To which part?
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Rushy on January 21, 2014, 01:50:20 AM
Biology's weird. It could be that an egg cell didn't divide properly, and somehow came pre-fertilized. If the baby is a genetic clone of the mother, then we know what happened. There are some lesbian lizards that use this method of reproduction.

No.

To which part?

Literally every sentence in that post is wrong or can't happen.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: DDDDAts all folks on January 21, 2014, 08:20:57 AM
It's obviously Jesus.

Lets all pray.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Lord Dave on January 21, 2014, 11:07:47 AM
It's obviously Jesus.

Lets all pray.

The irony would be that the Christians would ignore him if it was.  Maybe even attack him for blashomy.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: EnigmaZV on January 21, 2014, 03:39:37 PM
Biology's weird. It could be that an egg cell didn't divide properly, and somehow came pre-fertilized. If the baby is a genetic clone of the mother, then we know what happened. There are some lesbian lizards that use this method of reproduction.

No.

To which part?

Literally every sentence in that post is wrong or can't happen.

Quote
In some of the Cnemidophorus species, there are no males, and they reproduce through parthenogenesis.
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cnemidophorus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Cnemidophorus)

Quote
Parthenogenesis is a form of asexual reproduction in which growth and development of embryos occur without fertilization. In animals, parthenogenesis means development of an embryo from an unfertilized egg cell

Apparently it happens with turkeys sometimes, but the offspring rarely survive.

Also, they've made viable mouse embyos in the lab using parthenogenesis.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: DuckDodgers on January 21, 2014, 03:42:50 PM
Are you claiming the nun is actually a lizard person?
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: EnigmaZV on January 21, 2014, 03:45:57 PM
Are you claiming the nun is actually a lizard person?

There's strong evidence to suggest the pope is one.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: DuckDodgers on January 21, 2014, 04:14:05 PM
And the pope being one makes this nun one how?  Especially considering she likely became a nun prior to this pope.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: EnigmaZV on January 21, 2014, 04:25:55 PM
This is really more of a question for David Icke. He's the expert.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Tau on January 21, 2014, 06:00:53 PM
And the pope being one makes this nun one how?  Especially considering she likely became a nun prior to this pope.

It was all planned in advance. The lizards are eternal, they know how to wait. Why do you think the former pope suddenly retired? It was time.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Alchemist21 on January 21, 2014, 08:09:55 PM
Tampon-induced pregnancy, lizard people... I've seen enough hentai to know where this is going.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Rama Set on January 21, 2014, 08:21:07 PM
A prince from mars flies in on his cricket and destroys the tampon with his heart amulet?
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Rushy on January 21, 2014, 11:10:41 PM
Apparently it happens with turkeys sometimes, but the offspring rarely survive.

Also, they've made viable mouse embyos in the lab using parthenogenesis.

Nothing you just said had anything to do with what you originally posted. You promised me lesbian lizards. You said nothing about parthenogenesis, nor did you talk about why you think it should be "a genetic clone of the mother" which doesn't happen in parthenogenesis even if that is what you were talking about.

I respect your ability to google things after you realize you had no idea what you were saying, but it doesn't really make up for the fact everything you said is wrong.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: EnigmaZV on January 22, 2014, 10:42:11 PM
Apparently it happens with turkeys sometimes, but the offspring rarely survive.

Also, they've made viable mouse embyos in the lab using parthenogenesis.

Nothing you just said had anything to do with what you originally posted. You promised me lesbian lizards. You said nothing about parthenogenesis, nor did you talk about why you think it should be "a genetic clone of the mother" which doesn't happen in parthenogenesis even if that is what you were talking about.

I respect your ability to google things after you realize you had no idea what you were saying, but it doesn't really make up for the fact everything you said is wrong.

In some species, the female lizards will only lay viable eggs if they've had the equivalent to sex with another female lizard. Sounds quite lesbian to me.
There are 2 kinds of parthenogenesis, one which only uses half of the mother's chromosomes, and another which uses the full set.
Dolly the sheep was a clone of her mother, and was created using parthenogenesis in the lab.
I'll admit that I may be wrong in the "the earth is a sphere" sense, where it's really an oblate spheroid.
Title: Re: Return of the Messiah!
Post by: Alchemist21 on January 23, 2014, 02:00:12 AM
The way you describe it, parthenogenesis would always result in female offspring.  The nun's child is a male.